10.24.05

it has been a long, long time since i've updated. i'm not even looking to find out when the last date was. weeks and weeks.

weeks and weeks that have been filled with the same thing: bowdoin work that is infuriatingly preventing the completion of the most important work. my thwarted primary concern is studying for the GREs and filling out my graduate school applications. numerous obstacles and revelations have occurred in the grad school thought arena. i've semi-discounted the massachusetts school on account of their apparent bureaucratic idiocy, but i've done so with a significant amount of trepidation at the thought of applying to two schools only. the odds are not good.

my current idea of a good graduate school time is the psy.d. program at the antioch graduate school of new england in keene, new hampshire. i'd take twelve hours of class there one day a week and live in the general area of northampton, massachusetts, an hour from both the school and jon. i might be wrong, but i think i could build a pretty good life in western mass.

i bounce these ideas off both the sides of my own head and the heads of important people all day long.

all thoughts are either attempts at controlling the future or virtually constant glancing thoughts about jon. things could be worse; all the worry, when i slow down enough to think about it, is solidly contextualized by the fact that he's a) alright and b) himself. not only is he himself, but he seems to enjoy being himself in my general vicinity. not a lot more could be asked for (literally).

that said, i am looking forward to the time when i have the ability to think a more diverse array of thoughts, let alone drink tea and read books. somehow, i'm going to make cozy relaxation happen. my conviction that the previous statement is true is half-power but my intentions are good.