12.28.05

i've been sad lately. i'm not sure how much of the sadness is just due to the sudden emptiness of my environment. it could be i just miss people. i always forget about this part of being home. jon's in connecticut running around hanging out with all sorts of lively individuals (brooke schley being a primarily lively individual) and i'm here, wondering if there were ever really people in maine or if i just imagined it.

i don't mind it during the days. the days are filled with everything they should be: reading, drinking tea and alcohol, laundry, my cat, and cooking. lots of music all the time and my parents making me laugh like no one else. getting really irritated at mom and not seeing dad enough. walking up the mountain. making necklaces, writing letters.

christmas eve was singularly lonely and christmas day was wonderful. my parents gave me lovely things, including some giant microbrews from the oak pond brewery in skowhegan (!), the entire run of sex and the city in a stunningly pink carrying case, and an engraved flask. it really doesn't get much better than that. their perception was touching. also, i now have the option of taking surreptitious swings out of my flask on the train. i'd only do so if i had a fedora and a duster, but it's still a fun thought.

every now and then throughout the day it occurs to me that in a few weeks, i'll be in the midst of my final semester at bowdoin. i still have no idea what's going to happen next. my graduate applications, all two of them, are finished, submitted, gone into the great beyond. it would be very nice if something came of them.

likely going to connecticut again soon. i'm wondering if it will be like all the other times. i wonder what i'll find to talk about.

the sky is at its absolutely most breathtaking this time of year.