3.31.06

my feet hurt. some reasons why:

standing in heels all last night at my birthday party thrown by the quad. cake, wine, high drama, even some gesticulating. an 80s playlist, a parallel to coviello's 80s dance party of tonight at el camino. niki made sure everyone got enough wine and did a very good job making sure i had a happy birthday. the amount of effort involved was touching.

before that, wearing the heels all day, walking around campus (according to rachel, swaying, even sashaying). suddenly, warm sunlight, making the sequins on my skirt sparkle.

wearing the heels while trying to distract my brain from finding a job. it won't budge. constantly searching. i'm affronted; it shouldn't control my waking life to quite this degree. it's painful.

today, running back and forth between my room, the station, and the 16th floor transmitter room trying to figure out why we were off the air. trying to talk to bob perry, realizing it's time to get a cell phone. after a few hours of data gathering, i flicked a tiny switch near the floor in the station and everything worked again. it was one of the first unequivocal triumphs i've had in awhile.

tonight, dancing for two hours to the hold steady in my boots. jumping and sweating, frances, eli, and adam right nearby. coviello beaming off to the side, matt lajoie up for the show. the entire frisbee team has girlfriends.

after dancing, loading out the hold steady for another two hours in my boots. frances, kevin, and eli stayed even though they weren't signed up. they're good. everything was broken down and i realized i've ended up involved with this college. it was, apparently, a slow and surprising process.

i talked to people i wouldn't normally talk to and it was one of the nicest times in awhile. my arms hurt now, along with my feet, due to awkward sideways carrying a cooler full of drinks out to murch's car while discussing fairfield county (once upon a time, i thought a lot more about places like fairfield county).

right now, the hold steady are raucously drinking with the frisbee team at red brick and i am twenty two. there are worse ways to do things.

on a note unrelated to pain: i got an interview today. i am going to literally savor what may be a short lived period of reduced worry and fear. i am looking forward to it.