5.1.06

on april 18th i had tiger lilies, delphinium, and purple larkspur sent to jen's mom. the florist knew precisely who she was, and, given that jen's grandmother had just been in the store not fifteen minutes previous, promised to tell me if jen's mom ever moved. in her cigarette roughened maine accent, she said, "you're the girl who sends flowers every year, aren't you."

it's been half a decade. yesterday, i told eli some things that happened with her. it wasn't as good as doing them.

lately, though, life's been changing. as i said to willy oppenheim the other day, "wait, wait, so what you're telling me is everything's impermanent? is that what you're telling me?"

in spite of the impermanent nature of all things:

falling asleep on eli watching coming to america on comedy central at 3 am after whitney made us flaky biscuits from a can to pull apart, layer by layer, so we could satiate our drunken hunger.

spraining my ankle in a job interview with the president of a prospective company and, a week and a half later, getting the job anyway.

finding out the name of an annual i had years ago in my little kid garden. developing a sudden need to grow it, immediately. developing a sudden, springtime need to grow anything, immediately. refraining due to my imminent move. (soon, though. plants happen soon.)

sitting in each of my classes over the past few days, watching the professor move around the room and talk about things. being actually a little bit unable to comprehend that my classes will be over soon. no more holt classes. no more taking notes. no more looking out the windows. no more smart discussion.

no more holt classes. i can't get over it. i think it will be a hole in my life that i'll have to somehow fill. i might fill it by taking sanskirt classes and going to grad school, but i might not.

in the meantime, though, i'll tell you what i'm going to do. i'm going to find an apartment and grow me some damn flamenco toadflax. it will, against all odds, be good.